All This Health And Safety Talk Is

I Rang Up Jay Kay, Who's Got One, And Said: 'can We Borrow Yours?' And He Said, 'yeah, If I Can Borrow Your Daughter, Because It Amounts To The Same Thing.'

If The Scottish Want To Break Away, I Shall Stand On Hadrian's Wall With A Teary Handkerchief, And Say: 'good Riddance To The Lot Of You, And Take Your Stupid Bagpipes With You.'

Column Writing Is Like Gas - It Fills The Available Space.

Supercars Are Supposed To Run Over Arthur Scargill And Then Run Over Him Again For Good Measure. They Are Designed To Melt Ice Caps, Kill The Poor, Poison The Water Table, Destroy The Ozone Layer, Decimate Indigenous Wildlife, Recapture The Falkland Islands And Turn The Entire Third World Into A Huge Uninhabitable Desert, All That Before They Nicked All The Oil In The World.

Americans Are Good At Herding Bison. The End.