According To A New Poll, 48 Percent

I Feel Like I'm Being Too Zen. I'm Inhaling Too Much Patchouli And Incense. It's Embarrassing.

The Key To Happiness. Hm.... There Are Just So Many Factors. I Think It's Just A Way Of Being. It's About.... Every Little Thing In Moderation. Whether It Be Stress, Anger, Joy, Depression.

I Saw That On Small Business Saturday, The President Went Shopping At A Bookstore And Bought 17 Books, Including "the Laughing Monsters," "being Mortal," And "heart Of Darkness." Or As The Cashier Put It, "you Ok, Man? Maybe A Little 'chicken Soup For The Presidential Soul?'

If You're A Sports Fan You Realize That When You Meet Somebody, Like A Girlfriend, They Kind Of Have To Root For Your Team. They Don't Have A Choice.

The Department Of Agriculture Announced That It Will Ban Six New Strains Of E. Coli. Which Explains Why The Hot Dog Vendor Outside My Building Is Now Just Selling Napkins.