A Woman Doing Comedy Doesn't Offend Me,

A Woman Doing Comedy Doesn't Offend Me, But Sets Me Back A Bit. I, As A Viewer, Have Trouble With It. I Think Of Her As A Producing Machine That Brings Babies In The World.

If You're An Old Pro, You Know How Well You're Doing When You're Doing It, And Your Inner Government Spanks You If You're Not Doing Well.

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

Don't Give Me Paper - I Can Get The Same Lawyer Who Drew It Up To Break It. But If You Shake My Hand, That's For Life.