A Verbal Promise Behind Closed Doors, Even

I'll Tell Them How I Survive It. I'll Tell Them That On Bad Mornings, It Feels Impossible To Take Pleasure In Anything Because I'm Afraid It Could Be Taken Away. That's When I Make A List In My Head Of Every Act Of Goodness I've Seen Someone Do. It's Like A Game. Repetitive. Even A Little Tedious After More Than Twenty Years. But There Are Much Worse Games To Play.

Making Knots. Making Knots. No Word. Making Knots. Tick-tock. This Is A Clock. Do Not Think Of Gale. Do Not Think Of Peeta. Making Knots.

My Mouth Has Gone Dry As Sawdust. I Desperately Find Cinna In The Crowd And Lock Eyes With Him. I Imagine The Words Coming From His Lips. 'what's Impressed You Most Since You Arrived Here?' I Rack My Brain For Something That Made Me Happy Here. Be Honest, I Think. Be Honest.

I Send A Silent Thank-you To Dalton For Suggesting I Wash Off The Makeup. How Ridiculous, How Perverse I Would Feel Presenting That Painted Capitol Mask To These People. The Damage, The Fatigue, The Imperfections. That's How They Recognize Me, Why I Belong To Them.

There Were Two Avoxes With Me In Prison. Darius And Lavinia, But The Guards Mostly Called Them The Redheads. They'd Been Our Servants In The Training Center, So They Arrested Them, Too. I Watched Them Being Tortured To Death. She Was Lucky. They Used Too Much Voltage And Her Heart Stopped Right Off. It Took Days To Finish Him Off. Beating, Cutting Off Parts. They Kept Asking Him Questions, But He Couldn't Speak, He Just Made These Horrible Animals Sounds. They Didn't Want Information, You Know? They Wanted Me To See It.